casca
Originally this website was going to be for a comic but I decided the comic wasn't that interesting and my art wasn't that good so the comic got dropped but I kept working on the website, for years, as a hobby I guess, with the vague notion that by the time I finished the website I would know what exactly I wanted to use it for.
Well the website is as finished as it's going to get, in the sense that I'm not going to spend another few months adding this or that feature (comments), and now I have a bloated knock-off version of Wordpress that I'm actually still kind of proud of even though it was a complete waste of time: This is my engine, there are many like it, but this one is mine (warts and all).
Which is great and all but that basically means I've spent the last few years of my spare time designing a really, really nice picture frame but no pictures. On top of that, the picture frame is so nice that I feel like I have to come up with something good enough to justify all the effort I put into it (not true); maybe I'm actually better at making picture frames than pictures, and I just don't have an eye for the content side of things; whatever. What's definitely true is that before I didn't feel like writing and now I do.
I used to write journals but they were truly fucking rancid.
"Everybody has something worth saying." I still think that's a good idea. A better, and false, idea would be "Everybody has something worth hearing." That opens up some more interesting questions. Something worth hearing? Like what? When? By who? Why me? I can think of plenty of things I would like to have heard but many more I'd rather not hear from someone else.
Ultimately though the painting is just an extension of the frame. Or at least that's how I'm hedging my bets. Craft is measurable. You can figure out how fast, how light, how loud something is and rank it against the other options based on how many boxes it checks off. It's easy. Art you can put years of effort into and still fuck up because it turns out you were making the wrong thing. Then people will make fun of you. It's horrible.
So I'm not sure if I have anything worth hearing or even anything worth saying but I would like to at least put something in the picture frame.
I've made a couple of attempts at writing but they were both kind of lame so I'm just going to do a little update
Got VFS (vocal feminization surgery) last week and I'm still waiting for the post-op. I think it went well but I'm still kind of paranoid that the sutures came out or something lol. You can't use your voice at all for the first week so there's no way for me to tell until I go to the post-op appointment.
It's been one year since I got FFS, so that's two surgeries down assuming everything goes well. A lot of the time I'll pass until I start talking so I hope VFS will make a big difference. All the other surgeries are pretty affordable too, so in the future I don't necessarily have to work with insurance. That streamlines the process a lot.
The updated website has been up for about a week now. I still need to update all my local documentation etc. but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Probably more about this in a future blog post.
Now I need to decide on my next project. I'm thinking about trying to make a game. I also want to keep practicing art/drawing. And I would like to keep making small updates to the website.
Just a few more days until the post-op appointment!
